Things I’ve Learned Since Entering “Adulthood”

  1. The Destiny’s Child song “Bills. Bills. Bills” will become your actual life. Fucking bills. Everywhere. All the damn time.
  2. Suddenly introducing a large amount of vegetables into your every day diet will give you A STUPENDOUS amount of gas. And it will smell horrendous. I mean, even your dog will leave the room offended. Bonus: you will win a Dutch oven contest every time. EVERY TIME.
  3. If you’re in a serious relationship for longer than a year, all your elderly relatives will randomly start humming a wedding march whenever you are around. [alternatively: if are (insert serious relationship status here), they may also hint towards children, because they fear your baby-making materials may be turning to dust.]
  4. Buying household appliances is a fucking EXHILARATINGLY experience. Trés adult.
  5. Bills. Fuck, all the bills.
  6. If you have a child, it will hit you like a crushing ton of bricks that you are responsible for another human’s welfare. ANOTHER HUMAN PERSON.
  7. You can be awake as late as you want. Hey-oh! (Which will probably only be till about 10:30p because you have to work at 8:00a the next morning.)
  8. You can cut food groups out of your diet and people don’t complain that “you’re picky eater”. They assume you’re on some super alternative diet, which they want ALL the details to, including where you bought the book.
  9. If something breaks on your car/house/device, you have to pay for and/or fix it yourself.
  10. Did I mention bills? Because fuck them. But don’t, because you shouldn’t be have sexual relations with inanimate objects. Also, who wants the potential paper-cuts on their unmentionables.